Self-Acceptance: The Antidote to Busyness

Is busy culture making a comeback?

That’s what I thought when my daughter called for me from the other room saying “Ma, are you busy?”. It was as if I was taken back to 2013 when I was still working three jobs and not getting enough sleep.

While I am used to my daughter’s call for attention or help, the word busy caught me off guard because I no longer identify as a busy person.

Although, at the back of my head, I like that my daughter is considerate to even ask before telling me that she wanted something.

This morning, I had some time to reflect on that word — busy.

What does it really mean to be busy?

To me, it’s being occupied whether you’re physically doing something or your mental space is occupied with thoughts not about what you are physically doing. That is different from working hard, which can mean working long hours or working on difficult tasks or both. Either way can be a reason why you’re “busy”.

Years before, the symbol of status in society is a relaxed way of life. Nowadays, busy is the new status symbol. When you’re busy you must be successful, productive and important. No wonder many people have burned themselves out.

It had gained a bad reputation over the years and I believe it is for the right reasons. Many have made it a default on how they’re spending their days. But not because they’re doing important work, but because it has become the norm.

The rise of smartphones and social media has made it even more difficult to be unbusy. Add to that the hybrid set-up of work after the pandemic has made it challenging for the working force to switch off from work.

While some companies incentivise workers to go on vacation and create healthier boundaries between work and life, it’s a little harder when you’re self-employed or running a small business like many homemakers and work-from-home moms and dads.

Why are we busy?

The personal and professional demands that keep us busy are real. But some inherent beliefs and habits are making most of us unnecessarily busy.

Most people use busyness as a badge of honour and an excuse. This is something I’m guilty of.

I used to think that busyness gives me the look of a successful person. At that time in my life, I wanted people to see me as successful. I did not want to be known as the young widow. I thought if they see me busy, they must think I already made it. And I like the thought of that.

Busyness is also used to fill the void of loneliness. I did not want to be left alone with my thoughts so I took no rest, and fill every gap between work and life with books, podcasts and TV series as background when I was doing housework. That’s besides working a full-time job and some side projects.

Later on, busyness just became a default. It has become a convenient excuse, shield and filler in my life. It did not help that I have poor boundaries between work and life that work overflows in all aspects of my life and it was chaotic.

Busyness has a way of worsening
the problems it promises to solve.

Most busy people have poor habits which affect their physical and mental well-being.

Busyness also pulls you away from your family and other important relationships.

And productivity is not always the result of being busy. There’s even a study that shows that it declines the longer you work.

Most importantly, being busy is not the only path to success.

So, how can we unbusy?

There are a lot of things you can do to take life slow.

Self-acceptance is fully embracing who YOU are.

We must learn how to create healthy boundaries between life and work. It helps to be clear with your priorities and create boundaries around these.

If you work from home, set a timer so you can end work at a certain time. Turn off notifications after work hours and notify your workmates when you are available to respond. You can set an automated message or email to do this.

Another thing we can do is to say NO often. If it’s not a full-body YES, it’s a no. This is easier said than done but an essential skill to take life slowly. If you keep saying yes, you’ll eventually spread yourself thin, which can lead to burnout.

But these are simple strategies you can do. If you allow yourself to go deeper, you’ll discover that the real antidote to busyness is self-acceptance.

You no longer fear missing out. You trust that what is meant for you, it’ll never miss you.
You’ll stop burning out yourself to do more than necessary because you know you are enough.

Self-acceptance shows us that everything that we need is within us — our humanity and the divine within us. We will stop seeking outside validation, external gratification and possession. This will lead us to feel fulfilled and find content in whatever we have even in ordinary moments.

Self-acceptance is the key to getting off the busy culture and finally living a truly thriving life — free, joyful, healthy, vibrant, and truly YOU.

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