We have been programmed into the fairytale narrative that once we meet the love of our lives, it’s all happy-ever-after. But it’s hardly the reality of any relationship.
The truth is that relationships are not easy (but I don’t mean it has to be a struggle) and it requires you overextend yourself for the sake of the other. So it’s up to us to create our own standard to what love and relationships must look like other than what we have been programmed to believe in.
For someone who have been single for a long time, getting into a relationship was particularly hard for me. It took me time to reconcile my differences with my partner. The result are seemingly endless fights and disagreements over at times petty and selfish things. But it wasn’t a surprise that we are still together. It was a conscious choice followed up by intentionally loving acts.
I am not a relationship coach but in my work as a Wholeness Mentor for women, relationship issues always come up. I have shared with them many lessons I learned from own relationships and below are few of them. They loved it and has helped them have a different perspective. Read on below:
Relationships magnify your state of being.
Your relationship doesn’t solve your loneliness, nor does it make you happy. You bring happiness or whatever state you are into your relationship. Work on your healing, it is your sole responsibility and not your partner’s, nor will anything external can give it to you.
Judgement has no place in a healthy and thriving relationship.
Our evolution has taught us to judge every situation and even people to judge for our safety and survival. But in our relationship, it doesn’t always workout good. To create harmony and build trust, one of the things I needed to learn is to forgive and be non-judgmental towards my partner. It took me time but I have witnessed how our relationship have flourished over time.
The story I tell my self after fights may not be the whole story.
More often we have this story that we construct and tell ourselves when our partner doesn’t immediately reply to text, or they don’t show up the way we expected them to be. But there is always two sides to every story. Be open to hearing the other’s side, from a place of non-judgement.
Quit the drama.
Communicate your intentions, desires and boundaries without the drama and see how your man will receive your message. Often men don’t understand the drama. As a highly emotional person, I’ve led with drama when communicating an issue or a desire to my man. I ended up getting frustrated because he doesn’t hear things the way I wanted to. What helped though is communicating clearly and that is without the drama.
There will be highs and lows and that’s ok.
Oh! If we can only keep the highs of the early stages of the relationship, right? There will be highs and lows in every relationship. Some days I wake up completely in love with my man, other days not so much. Some days sex are great, other days not so much. That’s completely ok and it happens to most couples more than they ever want to admit. It’s best to acknowledge this when this happens and work towards the changes you want to happen. What is important to pay attention to during these fluctuations is where each other is at and find a way to be supportive to one another.
I must soften and surrender.
Following feminism for many years have hardened and hijacked my beliefs of what an empowered woman is. In my journey to wholeness, I have returned to honor the traditional roles of man and woman in a relationship.
Surrendering and softening into my role as my partner’s support (him being the leader) doesn’t lessen my value and power as a woman. Surrender doesn’t mean defeat. It is actually a beautiful manifestation of trust. The moment I learned to surrender and allow my man’s leadership in our relationship, we have strengthened the fiber of our union more than ever.
I believe that in order for our relationship to thrive, we must bring our whole self into it.
Whether we like it or not, our relationships impact the quality of our lives. That’s why putting in the work is necessary in achieving harmony and building trust.
If you’re on the path of returning to wholeness, your relationship is one of the aspects that you may want to bring more awareness into. If you need more support, check out how my Return to Wholeness 1:1 Coaching Program can help you become more present in your relationship.